Go to fivelovelanguages.com to see other books by Chapman including 5LL for kids, teens, and families.

A twitter friend posed a question, actually two questions. He said: 1) When’s the last time u suggested to a guy that u wanna stay in for a date…that u want to cook or u want him to cook? 2) Women always say money cant buy love yet u want a man to spend money to express their love….WHICH IS IT CAUSE WE’RE CONFUSED?!?!?! My response to him was that generally as women, “we want whatever the sacrifice is to you.  If a man has more money than time, his time may be valued more.  Furthermore, most women are taught from youth that a man who loves you will take care of you.  And honestly, I always want to be assured that if I can’t, “HE” can. The fact that he CAN spend money is a test run of the stability barometer that we as women always use.” I thought about a book that is commonly used in contemporary marriage counseling called “The Five Love Languages.”  It helps “people speak and understand emotional love when it is expressed through one of five languages. Chapman argues that while each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually speak one primary language.”

"ACTS OF SERVICE"

"PHYSICAL TOUCH"

"QUALITY TIME"

"WORDS OF AFFIRMATION"

"RECEIVING GIFTS"

I’ll be the open book here. I grew up in a very traditional home. My father was a pastor & my mother was a corporate executive. Contrary to popular belief, most pastors don’t earn a large salary from their churches.  Most of them have to take on secondary jobs or business ventures to make what most would consider a good living (books, music, real estate, etc.). My dad’s became real estate and stock & bond investments, but when they were in their late 20’s and early 30’s he had nothing, and she had the six figure salary (in the 80’s).  She has always said that though she made a lot of money, she really didn’t know how to manage it.  In the early 90’s she took an early retirement to help him in his business endeavors, and whether she made the money or not, taking care of the family was HIS RESPONSIBILITY. If she needed a new bag or wanted a new dress, HE bought it.  Taking care of HIM was HER RESPONSIBILITY.  If more money was needed for whatever, it was HIS RESPONSIBILITY. If we as kids needed to be fed, HE fed us.  She focused on making HIM happy, this worked for them, and all was well.  Their motto was that they tried their best to live by their true definition of love and they really trusted the other to do right.  She focused on meeting his need, he focused on meeting her needs, and all needs were met, unless someone messed up the matrix and opted for temporary selfishness.

Go to http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/ to see other books by Chapman including 5LL for kids, teens, and families.   Thanks @FrankLanzkie for sparking the conversation. My friend @MissJenee recently did a blog post entitled “What is love?” on www. MissJenee.com… Get to clickin & get to following!

I Corinthians 13:4-8

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

If you had to choose only one, which is your most prevalent love language of the five and why?  Put them in order from the one to which you most quickly respond to the one you respond to the slowest.  My order is: quality time (if we’re already in a relationship), receiving gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service.  If we’re “getting to know each other,” then the 1st & 2nd ones are switched *tehehe*.

It was my first year teaching and people began to call my phone repeatedly. I finally answered for my mom and she told me that two planes had hit the Twin Towers and that I should be watching the news.  I thought that she was talking about the Sloppy Floyd buildings here in Atlanta, which are next to the city capitol and have the moniker “Twin Towers.”  I had a co-worker who was on her planning period turn on the TV in her classroom, and keep me posted.  After a while she runs into my classroom and yells “girl they done hit the Pentagon in Washington!  They’re calling them terrorist attacks.” I asked my class to put their heads down for a moment, assigned someone to take names, and calmly walked next door to see for myself. By that time, we were told to turn on our classroom TVs and watch the coverage.  No one knew how extensive the coverage would be, but needless to say we stayed glued to the TV for about 10 minutes until I realized that my 2nd graders were totally uninterested and confused about everything that was going on.  Although I wanted to watch, I turned off the TV and asked them if they wanted to ask me any questions before we got back to work.

“Who did this to these people?”

“What happened to the people in the planes?”

“Is everybody dead?”

“Why would people want to hurt us?”

“What is an attack?

The last question that I answered almost broke me down.  A little girl named Varrion asked, “Miss Smith can we pray?”  I teared up a little and smiled. “If the rest of the class doesn’t mind.  Would everybody mind closing your eyes and silently saying a prayer for all the families who lost loved ones today?”  Then Varrion corrected me, “No. I mean hold hands and pray out loud.” I laughed and realized that I knew my students and parents well enough to know that a prayer would not have offended any of them.  We held hands in a circle and Varrion prayed the sweetest prayer that I’ve ever heard, a prayer that I remember to this day.  After her prayer I was crying uncontrollably, and they all just gathered around me in a big group hug.  I burst out laughing and told them I was the teacher and they were the students and I should be comforting them.  We moved the desks out-of-the-way and played Duck Duck Goose and Multiplication Bingo until lunch time.  That class holds such a special place in my heart.  Her prayer went something like this:

” Lord I come to You today praying for all of the people on the planes. I thank you for my mommy, my daddy, my brother, my whole family, Miss Smith, and this whole school.  I ask that you pray for the people on the planes and bless them.  Even bless the people who did this to them.  Now I come praying for the devil, because he is busy and he is bad. Don’t let the good people die. Let him die. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

WHERE WERE YOU ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2001?

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